Things I've learned about pregnancy so far:
- It sucks.
If you're one of those people who sail through as the embodiment of mother nature, I'm incredibly thankful for you, and incredibly resentful.
- They weren't kidding when they said your ankles would get puffy. And your feet. And hands. And face. And unmentionables.
- Morning Sickness (misnomer) cures are varied, individual, and down right odd.
Apple juice worked for me.
- You will bend over and get stuck.
First time this happened, my hips and lower back hurt too much to leverage myself back up, and I swore so loudly Hubby came running. Then he laughed.
- You begin watching other people's waistlines with a paranoid eye.
- Your hair changes. Mine is now dry as a desert and there's nothing I can do about it.
- Your nose is stuffy. All the time.
- Bathroom trips become metronomic in their regularity (every hour, on the hour).
- Stories about babies will make you cry. There is no escaping this. It's like tourettes of the eyeballs.
- There is no such thing as too much water. So. Dehydrated.
- Maternity pants are the most comfortable things you will ever wear.
- Underwear becomes problematic.
Not only will you not fit yours anymore, but you will have difficulty finding any that either a) doesn't press directly onto your already abused bladder or b) fits over the growing hump.
- Pregnancy is the greatest excuse known to mankind.
Don't wanna cook dinner? Tired, pregnant. Want to get out of an awkward conversation? Excuse me, vomit. It's a superpower.
- You will do stupid things. Pregnancy brain is real.
I keep getting into the passenger side of the car. When I'm alone. And obviously the one who's driving.
- You will never feel so vulnerable, and inadequate, and guilty, and terrified.
- You will never feel so alive.
